What is it?
We all have a drive to have intercourse or some kind of sexual outlet and this drive varies in intensity throughout our lives. Younger people on balance have more drive and at every age what we actually end up doing is the result of the balance between our natural drives and our cultural inhibitions.
Any discussion about ‘poor’ sex drive is difficult because you have to be sure about what you are comparing yourself with. If you are making comparisons with a mythical ‘norm’ you imagine being present in society, you could be in for trouble because the range of normality in sexual matters is so great. If you are comparing yourself with yourself that could be more sensible but even so is difficult because we all experience normal variations in how much we feel like sex.
Males are at the peak of their sex drive in the late teens and women probably in their thirties, but there are many variables that operate in quite normal, healthy people to alter their sex drive, even from day to day.
What causes it?
• Drugs. The most commonly suggested culprit is the contraceptive pill. Research with dummy tablets given to women who thought they were taking the Pill, however, shows that this has been somewhat overstated as a side-effect of the Pill. Having said this, some women feel depressed or sexless on one particular type and yet are perfectly happy on another brand. Sleeping tablets, high doses of steroids, some drugs taken to relieve high blood pressure, diuretics (water tablets) and some angina drugs can all cause a loss of sex drive. Tranquillizers, in even quite moderate doses, produce indifference in some women and as a result they lose interest in sex. Given that so many women are taking tranquillizers this is an important cause of a loss of sex drive.
• Depression is a potent cause of a poor sex drive and given that it is the commonest psychological illness should always be considered in anyone (especially a woman) who goes off sex.
• Serious physical illness such as arthritis, kidney disease, chronic anaeimia and breast disease can all reduce a person’s interest in sex.
• Physical and mental exhaustion can have a disastrous effect on one’s sex drive. After having a baby, after an operation, or after many, even quite trivial, illnesses (such as ‘flu) many people go off sex because they feel generally Tow’ and run down.
• Stress is a common reason for a loss of sex drive. Any life crisis, from moving house to a bereavement, can kill one’s sex drive for a while.
• Bad experiences are a less common cause but an understandable one. A rotten relationship, a bad love-making episode, an abortion, being jilted, and so on, can all make certain people say, ‘To hell with sex-it’s far too much trouble.’ Such individuals go off sex for weeks or months but usually return to sexual activity eventually.
• Serious inhibitions produced in childhood and during growing up. Most of these reside in the person’s unconscious mind yet they restrict the pleasure the individual is able to get out of sex. Often their pleasure is so limited that they end up having very little sex drive at all.
• Falling out of love. One in three marriages goes wrong and possibly at some stage in every marriage there is a time when the couple don’t feel much for each other. At such times either one or both goes off sex.
• During an extramarital affair. This loss of sex drive occurs mainly because of the guilt involved. Some people go off sex with their regular partner during an affair partly out of fear that he or she will be able to detect some small difference in love-making which originated in their love-making with the lover. Sometimes a bad relationship outside the marriage can reflect on the marital one, and produce a loss of sex drive.
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